Be Balanced: Introduction

 

Throughout my recent journey to find a true wholeness within myself, I have returned over and over again to the concept of balance. I have learned that balance, in all its many layers, is a vital key to unlocking my wholeness and becoming more of who I am and who I want to be. Patterns and visuals have dominated much of my thoughts the last couple of years, resulting in scattered papers and chicken-scratch notes in random places that I’m sure will continue to reappear for some time to come.

This compilation of thoughts is my way of organizing what I have learned for myself, as well as to develop a system to self-evaluate where and when there is imbalance and to have a direction to go in returning to self. For me, when I put in the effort to return to self and find connection there, my relationship with others and Divine Source naturally become healthier and stronger - not because other people in my life change, but because I change what is imbalanced within me.

What is balance?

Before I set out on this journey, I thought that in order for something to be balanced, it had to be equal in quantity with something else, like scales unmoving and perfectly aligned.

However, I’ve learned that this is not the case!

Balance is: the right measurement needed from moment to moment, a fluctuating flow that brings a dependable surety. This flow occurs between varying dualities working together, a unity forming one melody - a consistent rhythm with ever-changing harmonies.

I have found that the visual that perfectly illustrates balance is the infinity symbol or symbol of Eternity.

Here is a basic example to illustrate this:

A balanced sleep schedule is not made by sleeping 12 exact hours and being awake for 12 exact hours every single day like some robot could be programmed to do. Rather, a balance may look like a person getting 6 hours of sleep one night, waking up, and then being busy all day. Then, feeling exhausted, they go to sleep again for another 6 hours, but wake up feeling far from rested. Their body may require more sleep, and if this person is in tune to their body’s request and they sleep till they feel better rested, they have found balance through the right measurement of what they needed in that moment.

Naturally, it will be different every 24-hour cycle, but flowing between the duality (sleep and wakefulness) as best as possible adds to the overall health of a person. It becomes an infinity symbol where sleep becomes wakefulness and wakefulness returns to sleep.

The maintaining of balance is illustrated everywhere in nature and in our lives beyond our awareness or comprehension. Everything exists together by natural law because of balance; from the seasons, to tiny ecosystems, to the organized universe, it is a layered tapestry made of tiny threads woven together to create one, whole masterpiece. Take a look for yourself and see what you notice. It will give you greater understanding beyond what I can tell you.

Balance is timeless, yet it is delicate.

It is both certain and uncertain.

It is ever moving, yet holds the space of true security and wholeness.

It is both a journey and a destination.

 

What is imbalance?

While balance is the connection and unity of opposites, imbalance generally takes on the form of two extremes of the two opposites. Imbalance, in a nutshell, is where chaos and temporary disintegration occurs. This is also where our behaviors create more imbalance unless changed.

For example, if you over-indulge in sleep or experience a deprivation of sleep (over-indulge in wakefulness), you experience an unhealthy extreme that leads to an imbalanced state that takes away from the wellness of your life and being.

There is an over-arching Balance (with a big “B”) that makes up this universe, and imbalance is actually a vital part of this great Balance and your very existence. For this reason, imbalance cannot be labeled as “bad” or something to be ashamed of.

In order for you to be more fully Balanced and unlock your wholeness, understand that it is the very way of life that you flow between both balance and imbalance. Nature’s cycles play out this dynamic constantly, it being the way of growth, change, and movement.

Imbalance is present even in the way you physically get from one place to another. When you lift one foot to walk, you create a moment of imbalance, which then leads you to balance again when that foot is placed in front of you. It doesn’t make sense to hop around everywhere on one foot in an exhausting struggle of imbalance, or to remain in one place indefinitely in an illusion of constant balance, only to fall over backwards from locked knees. True progression is not achieved while remaining in imbalance.

However, any imbalance can be used to propel you forward into balance through awareness. It need only be temporary in the larger scheme of things, because in some way, at some time, an imbalance will return to balance due to natural law of the greater Balance. So don’t fight, ignore, or deny what is there. This will only create conflict within yourself and the opposite of wholeness and well-being.

We all experience imbalance in many aspects and layers, from day to day and year to year. It is simply reality. Any fear-based behavior, unbelief (a belief of limitation), or uncomfortable emotion can be accepted, honored, touched with love, and then returned to balance each time that you return to yourself. As you read about the many layers in the coming chapters, your perspective of what is imbalanced with expand.

Where ever you are right now, whatever space you feel you are in today, it does not matter. You will find imbalance in yourself, and it is a gift if you use it propel you forward.

 

Finding Your Balance

Finding your balance is a personal journey. Only you have access to the map that will get you to where you desire to be.

For this reason, I will not provide all the answers (not that I have them anyway), or an all-inclusive set of dynamics for every possible situation. My goal is not to provide the “how to”, but my deepest hope is that the following words I will write will be a sort of compass and a guide to encourage you to pick up your own map. I invite you to be willing to take a good look at where you are, where you want to go, who you want to be, and how you want to feel.

Have you ever desired to feel and experience more of the following?

Peace 

Clarity

Love

Freedom

Security

Joy

Abundance

Growth

Health

Progression

Meekness

Creation

Connection

Power

Light/Truth

These things come from balance and lead to balance.

If you have desired these things that come from balance and lead to balance, then it is extremely likely that you have experienced any number of the things in the next list:

Conflict

Illusion

Fear

Limitation

Insecurity

Apathy

Scarcity

Depression

Poor health

Stagnancy

Pride

Control/Manipulation

Disconnection

Abuse

Darkness

If you are familiar with any of those things listed, you have experienced imbalance. This awareness is the first step and it can serve you if you choose. As you strive to move from imbalance into balance, you will have opportunities to look through perspective lenses of your relationship with yourself, with others, and with your Divine Source. You can also explore the dynamics of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs while letting go of limiting labels of who you are and who you perceive others to be.

Your balance cannot be forced, and it does not come from the outside, regardless of what you think external things and people “should” be in order for you to feel a certain way.

You have it in you to find balance. You ARE nature, so the instincts are within.

Dare to look inward and choose to trust yourself one step at a time.

Written and Created by Danie Davis. All Rights Reserved. 

My Shame-Free 100%

Capacity. 

It's a trigger word for me.

You know that trend going around where people are choosing a "word of the year?" Well, the universe gives me words randomly all the time to learn from. They become a treasure to me because each time this happens I am sent on a journey to learn something and it helps me grow and progress.  

When a certain word stands out to me, I start by inquiring into what the word's meaning is. I will go to the well-loved, 1828 Webster's Dictionary to add clarity, but the dictionary definitions are only a small part of my inquiry. Words have certain meaning to me beyond what a dictionary offers, a meaning that is attached to beliefs, emotions, and thought patterns. I end up taking all of these aspects into consideration and the self-inquiry is both intense and fascinating. It generally leads me to redefine a word by changing what it means to me.

For example, this is a summary of what Webster's 1828 dictionary defines capacity as: ability; condition; character; active power; the power of receiving and/or giving; power of containing, or holding. 

What does it mean to me? It is a word that means it is suddenly in question that I am good enough as I am. It brings with it a flood of fear quickly followed by shame and guilt. It feels like scarcity and lack in my very being. My inner thoughts are like:

Do I have the capacity to do what I need to do?

I don't have the capacity to show up for my kids today. I SHOULD have the capacity.

I don't have the capacity to receive what I desire, even though I have tried so hard.

I don't have the capacity to understand what I am trying to understand. 

I could do this if I didn't lack the capacity! What is wrong with me?

Why is my willpower not enough to influence my capacity to change?

What can I do to prove to myself and others that I have the capacity to do certain things? 

See how it leads to this spiral of defeat and the shame of not being good enough? Just struggling to believe in my capacity to be good enough, the ability to be who I want to be, is a trial in and of itself. I feel like I can safely assume that I am not alone in this type of struggle.

When I start a new round of my online classes, I tell my mentees over and over again that they are only expected to show up at  their 100%, whatever that looks like from day to day. I emphasize that their 100% IS good enough. If a mentee shows up to class with a messy mom-bun, no make-up and a grumpy toddler at her side, it is good enough. If a mentee is applying the course tools at whatever level he can, his effort is 100% good enough, regardless of the results. 

I tell myself the same thing often during my own mental pep-talks. In fact, a couple days ago when I was struggling emotionally, out of habit I told myself that my 100% in showing up for my kids was good enough. But... in that moment... I became aware that I don't always believe in my own 100% being enough. 

This is my 100% but it should be more.

I should have the capacity to do more, but I don't.

The word "should" is a shame-word rooted in fear. It is the word that argues with reality, and arguing with reality is a sure way to bring about my suffering and feeling pressed down by the weight of not being/doing enough, aka de-pressed. 

So how in the world do I get out of the spiral and turn all this around? Well, that's just it. I turn it around and flip the energy by redefining what "capacity" means to me. I remember that fear is always a liar. I stop arguing with reality and instead I touch reality with love and get back to JOY. ("Loving What Is" by Byron Katie plus my tools for Joy have been and are invaluable here).

I will share a little bit of what the journey to turn-around has been so far. 

The first thing I heard that had me questioning my belief of not having a certain level of capacity is a thing to be ashamed of was a conversation my husband had with my 10 year old son. My husband, James, asked our son, "If I were to give you the keys to the truck and have you go to the store and get groceries for the week for our family, do you think you could do that?" 

My son looked slightly alarmed and shook his head and replied, "I don't know how to drive." 

James asked, "If I were to spend an hour showing you how to drive, would that help?"

At this point my son looked slightly confused, wondering where this conversation was going, and if his dad was being serious.

James responded to the confused look by explaining, "It isn't a bad thing that you don't have the capacity to drive yet and it doesn't mean that you never will have that capacity. Today just isn't that day, and sometimes our capacity to do things grows over an extended amount of time as we mentally develop, practice things, and learn."

I listened to this conversation and was in awe. Oh my goodness! He's right! My son's 100% capacity is nothing to be ashamed of and he shouldn't have any different capacity sooner than he actually has it. This is reality and arguing that he should have more than he does is irrational. 

Then, in a conversation today, my friend asked me, "Have you heard of the Spoon Theory?" She paraphrased that, each day a person wakes up and has a certain number of spoons representing their energy capacity for the day. Every day the spoon amount is different, but the person gets to choose where they put their spoons.  If something comes up unexpectedly, the person can recognize that they don't have spoons to go to that thing, that it will have to wait until another time. When the spoons are gone, it's okay, and it is accepted. My friend also shared how it has helped her be more okay with what she has to give each day, and if she wants to get some more spoons she needs to do some self-care at some point. 

I was fascinated by what she was explaining to me! I thought about how silly it would be to wake up, have 5 spoons representing my 100% capacity for the day and I immediately respond, "I have only 5 spoons. I am a failure. I should have more in order to be good enough." How could I prove that I need more than 5? What if it turns out I only need 4 and my shame at having 5 made me miserable all day?

Interesting how reality can actually be kinder than what we say against reality, huh? 

I have 5 spoons. That is enough to do what I will do today because I will use those 5 spoons.

Or, I have 5 spoons. I should have 10 to do everything I have put on my list to do today. 

Which is less stressful?

One more example that is shifting my perspective on capacity is cold toes. Yes, that is correct. Cold toes (which I have right now, so that's ironic). 

Just because I have cold toes doesn't mean my blood supply is lacking. It is still at its 100% capacity. My body for some reason has just decided that blood is needed more in other places of my body than in my toes. 

So if, like my blood, my energy and time is put towards self-care and I don't put energy towards something else like laundry, did I lack the capacity to do all the things that day? No. My 100%, my spoons, my blood/life energy was being spent elsewhere. And it's enough!

My capacity just is what it is, making it a 100% always. It is always enough until I argue against reality and resist the natural flow of life.

I have the capacity to do what I do.

I have the capacity to show up for myself today and keep my kids alive. This is enough.

I have the capacity to receive what I desire in the very moment that I receive it.

I have the capacity to understand what I understand and I anticipate my capacity expanding as I understand more.

I have all the capacity I need in the moment I need it. If I don't have a certain level of capacity, I don't need it.

My capacity to change is ever expanding because my capacity changes with change.

I cannot prove my capacity to be more than it is. I love what it is and honor it. 

Capacity.

It is a treasured word to me.

Capacity isn't being LIMITED.

Capacity is being ABLE.

My 100% really can be shame-free.