Power in Meekness - Story and Questions

There was a time in my past when I was really down and struggling, and some people told me that I was depressed (which I fiercely resisted owning that label). Getting up in the morning was hard, but showing up for anyone was even harder. For months, I kept going the best that I could, trying to feel like myself and feel connection. I put in so much effort to work through emotions and belief patterns and situations that kept me down. I kept hoping that my efforts would be good enough to pull me out the other side someday, but believing in myself was decreasing more and more as time went on.

One day, I found out how little confidence I actually had in myself and I sunk even lower into inadequacy.

A big cheerleader in my life, someone who was part of my support system, communicated to me that they believed my children would be better off without me, that they were concerned for my children.  

What confidence I felt like I had was effectively shattered in that moment. I had no idea when or how this person changed their perspective of me and why they felt like they couldn’t continue in their connection with me.

I felt intensely devastated and like a lost cause not worth supporting. I believed that I failed so miserably in my efforts that God was rejecting me too.

Vulnerability became traumatic and taking risks was a nightmare. The depth of my soul-cry at that time is not possible to accurately describe, but those who have been to such a place know and understand without words.

However, it wasn’t until this person rejected me that I realized how much of my confidence came from what this person thought of me and that they sincerely believed in me. Not only that, but my value and worth was based on this person wanting to be in my life.

As I came crashing down, I was forced to sit face to face with myself. I knew I had a choice to make – one that would be life altering. I could choose to sink and become a closed, empty shell, or remain open for that miraculous chance of rising like a phoenix. Could I humbly remain open in my heart to vulnerability and connection? Could I take that risk with so much pain already? Could I continue to learn, grow and change as I needed?

Through the emotional fog, I knew deep down that my happiness depended upon me remaining open in my heart and mind. It was the path that I ended up choosing and it became the way out of the darkness I was in.

In that openness, I found that place inside that cried out that I was worth every effort. I felt it. I believed it. I learned that I had to be that person for me that I hoped others would be. I accepted the truth that having confidence in myself was just as much a part of the journey as remaining open was. I learned that regardless of how much confidence another person may have in me, it was nothing if I didn’t have full confidence in myself.

I faced the worries that none of my efforts would do any good, that I would never make the final cut (even now, I still have to consciously resist this worry). I asked myself then, “Do I believe in myself enough to try? Will I have my own back regardless of how my efforts turn out, knowing I gave my 100%? Can I cheer myself on, believing in my potentials, capacities and heart as good enough?”

I chose to believe in me and live from an open heart, regardless of the pain. It led to greater healing within - a greater wholeness that was more of a process than a single event. The warrior in me stepped back into her place as I made certain decisions that set me onto a path that was brighter and full of hope. I began moving forward again with a wisdom born of experience that no one can ever take away.

And that is power. 

Self-Evaluation Questions:

 

1.     What can I do today to show myself that I believe in myself?

2.     How can I support myself today?

3.     Are you willing to fight to stand with yourself? How can you vote for your own victory?

4.     What is something you feel inadequate in doing? How can you flip that into confidence?

5.     What can you honor and accept openly?

6.     What would you love to be excited about for yourself?

7.     What can you do to be more open and receptive without giving up your confidence?

 

When you compare and see yourself as less, or you feel inadequate in measuring up…. Reach for confidence!

1.     What is my main worry that is connected to my feelings of inadequacy?

2.     What can I choose to love about myself and my efforts that will decrease the strength of this worry?

3.     How can you remain with yourself and not reject yourself?

4.     What positive character trait has brought me to where I am right now?

5.     How do I want to celebrate who I am right now?

6.     What does my heart desire that solely has something to do with me?

7.     How can I be true to my heart? What do I need that I can give to myself?

8.     What is the next step I need to bravely take in order to be true to my heart?

9.     What can I do to support myself confidently, to show myself that I trust and believe in myself?

10.   How can I own where I stand and remain loyal to me?

When your behavior is based on comparing and seeing yourself as more correct, capable, valid, experienced, informed, having enough and no more, etc. (anything that gives you a superiority in any degree) OR you perceive someone as not capable enough …. Remember humility.

1.    What would it look like if I came from a place of humility in this situation?

2.    Do I perfectly understand where this person is coming from?

3.    Are my perspectives skewed by my personal bias and need for importance or validation of the rightness of my choices?

4.    How can I remain open to accept and receive this person as they are?

5.    What potential does this person have that proves they are adequate?

When you recognize self-righteous behaviors in others…. Remember humility so you don’t act in self-righteousness yourself by expressing what you think the other person should or shouldn’t do. You can confidently own your space and hold to your boundaries, while being open, receptive, and curious.

Recognizing an imbalanced emotion or behavior in yourself is the first step to returning to balance. The return journey is full of questions answered with reflective, patient honesty. Be aware that you can flip-flop between the extremes, not always resorting to one or the other.

 

If you are acting self-righteously, look at where you can act humbly.

If you are acting out of feelings of inadequacy, reach to have confidence in yourself. 

Click here to read about confidence and humility.

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